Three Little Voices
by EvilCookieFiend
Summary: What happens when the voices in side your head get bored. (Flames will be used to melt the ice off the concrete slab we call a porch this winter)


This is a happy little ficky that I wrote out of sheer boredom. It was inspired by all the arguments I have had with myself and lost. (Yes. I lost. But one shouldn't be proclaimed the best in any skill should they? There will always be competition.) That and the fact that for some reason I know more about what's going on in California that I do in my own back yard (literally. I have do a big back yard on the other hand...).  
  
Oh and I suppose I have to out a little sentence somewhere that says that I don't own Dragon Ball Z or any likeness therein. If I did, I would have had this animated   
  
One more thing. I am mildly dyslexic and my word processor doesn't have a spell check. I did my best to go over it and correct all the mistakes, but I may have missed some so I apologize ahead of time. Thank you.  
  
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Piccolo was just kind of loafing around one day (I don't know exactly why. I guess he was sick of just kind of...sitting around like he usually did.) when he came across a little spring. He stopped and looked at it.  
  
'Look! A spring!' came a happy voice from inside him (well, sort of).  
  
'What are you doing inside my head?'  
  
'I was talking to Nail,' said Dende.  
  
'Well be quiet. I don't want to hear your conversation.'  
  
'Aww...' teased Nail, 'Poor Piccolo...'  
  
Piccolo growled. Kami chuckled.  
  
'Wait. How can you see what I see?' asked Piccolo.  
  
There was a pause.  
  
'Because I'm God,' answered Dende simply.  
  
'Hey! Spring has, like, a lot of meanings!' cried Nail. Piccolo flinched at his loudness, 'It can be jump. It can be that kind of spring down there--'  
  
'It can be like a slinky!' said Kami.  
  
'Yeah!'  
  
'And go down stairs like--' here Kami made the sound effects of a slinky going down stairs.  
  
'Everyone loves a slinky!' sang Dende.  
  
'How'd you learn that?'  
  
'Um...TV'  
  
'Ah, One of humanity's better creations...'  
  
'-And it can be like the season (at least on Earth) and um, I think there's a bird that says "spring!", but I'm not sure about that. Oh! And if you move really fast, you spring--no, that would be jump, wouldn't it...'  
  
But Kami and Dende were still thinking about slinkys. In fact they were singing the slinky song (AN: if I knew it, I would have included the actual words, but, alas, I was too young to have been able to memorize it in its almighty glory when the commercials were still occasionally being shown. Maybe one of you could help me out?).  
  
Piccolo squeezed his eyes shut tighter at the singing of the annoying god and former god and at Nail's babbling about springs.  
  
'I remember seeing this really big spring under a sky scraper once. It was in California where they have all those earthquakes and landslides and forest fires and avalanches and dust storms and volcano eruptions and-'  
  
Dende stopped him for a moment, 'California doesn't have volcanic eruptions.'  
  
'Sure it does,' said Kami.  
  
There was a mental shrug on Dende's part, then he and Kami resumed their singing.  
  
'-- and rabid dragonflies and people running around looking for this big guy in a monkey suit--  
  
'Wasn't that Raditz we dared to do that?' asked Kami.  
  
Nail and Dende laughed, 'Yeah, It was!' said Nail.  
  
'I don't see any volcanoes in California,' said Dende.  
  
'They're there. Where there are earthquakes, there are volcanoes.'  
  
'That's not true. The New Madrid fault line doesn't have vol--'  
  
'Don't argue with me, child! If I say there are volcanoes in California, then there are volcanoes in California!'  
  
'Fine, don't have a heart attack...I don't think Piccolo would like that very much.'  
  
'And sink holes,' said Nail.  
  
'Huh?'  
  
'That was off the subject.'  
  
'What subject? I wasn't paying attention.'  
  
Kami slapped Nail upside the forehead. (Figuratively)  
  
'Oh! I remember! You were going to give Piccolo a heart attack, weren't you?'  
  
'That's a good idea...'  
  
'I can hear you,' said Piccolo irritably.  
  
'No you can't. How can you *hear* us if we're inside of you, huh? What? do you have *ears* on the back of your eyes so that when we talk, our voices are transferred out your eyes and into the air where your *outside* ears can hear them?'  
  
There was the sound of a cricket chirping inside Piccolo's head.  
  
'Sorry...' apologized Nail. Kami slapped him in the forehead again, 'Hey? Where'd the music go?'  
  
'We finished the slinky song.'  
  
'Well, sing another.'  
  
'There aren't any more slinky songs. There's only one.'  
  
'Darn.'  
  
There was another silence as they were all running out of things to say. Piccolo relaxed. Now maybe they would be quiet for a while; and indeed, they were until all of a sudden--  
  
'BOO!'  
  
'Ah!' cried Dende and Nail. Piccolo, himself, very nearly jumped out of his skin.  
  
Kami cracked up.  
  
'Damnit, Kami!' yelled Piccolo, now irate.  
  
Kami snapped his fingers, 'Darn. Almost.'  
  
'Do you people *never* shut up?!'  
  
'Hm-mm. We lay rotting in our graves to annoy you.'  
  
'But we're not in graves, Kami,' said Nail.  
  
'That's not the point!'  
  
'*I'm* not dead,' said Dende.  
  
'Oh, go check on California.'  
  
'Fine. I will.'  
  
'What did you mean by "almost"?' asked Nail blondly.  
  
'I almost gave Piccolo a heart attack.'  
  
'Oh.' Nail laughed.  
  
'No you didn't,' said Piccolo, plotting how he was going to hang himself from such small trees.  
  
'If you go to California, there are big red pine trees that are about a thousand feet tall,' offered Nail in response to Piccolo's thoughts.  
  
'They're not a *thousand* feet tall, Nail,' said Dende.  
  
'How's California doing?'  
  
IN CALIFORNIA:   
  
A couple of people fall through the San Andreas fault and land in a big puddle of primeordeal ooze. They succumb to the same fate as hundreds of thousands of dinosaurs and wolves and small rodents have as long as California has been a state. One of the springs on a skyscraper malfunctions and topples it over creating a domino effect on the other buildings. This starts an earthquake which causes the muddy, treeless land to come flowing down on top of one major city...ah, we'll just say it was in Orange County, seeing as just about everything else seems to happen there. A rolling blackout follows in it's wake while the remaining population of Orange County is either covered in snow (from an avalanche) or run over by a train of cops in a high speed pursuit. Down by Los Angeles, the people being about as far from angelic as can be, a flock of very "robust" pidgeons flies over and covers the entire place in droppings resulting in massive outbreaks of salmonella related amputations. San Francisco has havoc wreaked upon it by the angry ocean and is washed away by a freak tidal wave. A coral reef pops up out of nowhere, despite it being too cold and too dark and too cloudy for one to survive anyway, and causes an oil rig to bust open and catch fire and turn the ocean into one big mass of flames and black smoke. The global temperature drops by two degrees.  
  
BACK IN PICCOLO'S BRAIN:  
  
'Oh, it's improving,' litoted Dende.  
  
'That's nice to know,' said Kami.  
  
SEVERAL HOURS LATER...  
  
The sun had just gone down (however, as Dende pointed out some time earlier, the sun never *rose* in California...) and the three other Nameks were still chatting away. Piccolo had given up trying to get them to be quiet and had taken to ignoring them utterly. Nail had began another of his ramblings about words. This time the unfortunate victim was "spoon".  
  
'Spoon...'  
  
'You have a thing with "s" words, don't you?' asked Dende.  
  
'No. Spoon...' he repeated, 'It sounds like an insult. Piccolo's a spoon.'   
  
Piccolo ignored him. There was nothing he could do about it, save knock himself out or commit suicide. That and possibly *have* someone kill him. maybe Vegeta would do it...nah, he'd think it below him without a good fight. He could always go annoy Chi-chi. She'd happily kill him if she got angry enough (and she wasn't too hard to get that way, either). Gohan or Goku would probably stop her. Damn. If he could catch her while she was alone...  
  
'Hey *spoon*,' cooed Nail.  
  
'Be quiet, Nail,' said Piccolo, weary of Nail's incessant blabbering on about nothing.  
  
'Suicide's the easy way out.'  
  
'You did it.'  
  
This shut Nail up for a second. 'It was for the greater good!' he cried, offended.  
  
'Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that.'  
  
'Oh-ho! Is Mr. Spoon getting mouthy with the great Nail?'  
  
'What can you do if I am?'  
  
'I can-ehnn-twitch your finger,' Piccolo's finger twitched,' Ha!'  
  
'Oh, wow!' said Piccolo fasiciously, 'How 'bout I use this finger to dig you out?'  
  
'Try it!'  
  
Piccolo started to raise his finger to his ear when a voice interupted it all.  
  
"Hi, Piccolo! What's up?" It was Gohan.  
  
"What are you doing out after dark? Your mother's going to kill you."  
  
"Oh well. I came to ask you why--"  
  
"Call him Spoon!" Nail forced Piccolo to say.  
  
"Can it, Nail!"  
  
"*Mr.* Spoon."  
  
Piccolo growled.  
  
"Yeah, that's what I came to ask you about. Dende said to call you Mr. Spoon when I saw you next. I thought I'd ask you about it first...'  
  
'Mr. *Springy* Spoon,' corrected Dende.  
  
"Spring..." commented Nail.  
  
Piccolo fought for control of his body.  
  
Gohan began to laugh at his former teacher's plight. Piccolo pinned Nail against the back of his skull. (Gohan) "You look like you've been at it for a while."  
  
"Ever since--"  
  
Piccolo slapped his hand over Nail's mouth.  
  
*This is weird*, thought Gohan, still laughing.  
  
Piccolo's eyes snapped open, "You're in on this, too? Aren't you, Gohan?" he asked dangerously.  
  
Gohan's laughter died away, "Huh? In on--"  
  
***  
  
And it came to pass that Piccolo, driven insane by his fusion related alter egos, turned on Gohan, son of Goku (no pun intended) and his former student and was defeated and woke up sometime later in Chi-chi's house where she, angered by his unstable mental condition, finally put him out of his misery.  
  
THE END  
  
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How'd you like it? 


End file.
